It's been a tough couple of months. In June my Uncle Bob passed (Alzheimer's). While we were in Arkansas to visit my my Aunt Joyce (my mother's sister) we boarded Eddie, Lani, and Bella (Bella was my mom's dog we adopted when my mom passed last year). While they were being boarded I agreed to have Lani's teeth cleaned because they really needed it and her blood work came back great. It turned out to be a mistake to put this 18 year old dog under anesthesia.
When we got the dogs back from the back Eddie was having difficulty walking. We were concerned about him but Lani started choking and coughing and I don't remember what else. Within an hour of picking them up from the vet, we were back there. To make a very long story short, it appears she had reflux while under anesthesia which ulcerated? her esophagus and caused scar tissue that closed off her ability to swallow. We tried some balloon treatments where the area is slowly stretched back but, in the end, she developed pneumonia twice from aspirating.
There were many trips to the emergency vet. The last time we saw her I thought she was sedated because she couldn't even keep her head up. Turns out she was just that sick and damaged from the ordeal. We had to stop her suffering. That was July 3rd.
She was just a sweet, gentle dog and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of the suffering she endured. She was used as a breeder and kept in a cage day and night before being left at a kill shelter. Then for her life to end this way, it's just heartbreaking. She deserved better.
Eddie's mobility got better while we were working with Lani, took about a week, and we thought it was due to not getting enough exercise while boarded because normally he follows me around all day long. We've been much more careful with the amount of food he eats the last couple years and he's lost weight slowly. However, he had begun to lose too much weight. We knew he's had a heart murmur for many years and somewhat recent blood work had showed some slow down of kidney function but that wasn't uncommon in elderly dogs (Eddie was 20 years old). So we did bloodwork and found he had Cushings disease.
Basically we became assisted living for Eddie. Instead of a restricted diet for his issues, the vet gave us the go-ahead to feed him whatever he would eat (he had begun to lose his appetite as well). We actually got a little weight back on him! We covered our floors, which are tile and wood, with rugs, yoga mats, towels, blankets, etc. so that he could walk. He was still a bit wobbly. He had good days and bad days.
To better care for him we canceled our cruise to Alaska scheduled for August 7th. We knew his time was limited and continued to provide palliative care for him until our next scheduled cruise which was Oct 23rd through 30th. This one left from Florida so we would only be gone a week, and we really thought Eddie was going to be with us for a bit longer so we went.
On the 27th the vet called & texted that Eddie was failing. That was a Wednesday so the vet was closed when I tried to call back. (Calls & texts were delayed because I didn't have internet on the ship but when we stopped in port I found WiFi and was able to make a call.) I had given my vet the consent to do what she thought was best for Eddie just in case. She thought it was time to let him go and described his situation in a voice mail that is still on my phone.
Before we left I did consider letting him go because of his physical state. Yet, he was still using the dog door to go outside to potty, would bark when he wanted something, followed me around the house although he was a little wobbly. On October 13th I even made a Facebook post about him lunging and barking at the mallards in my front yard. It felt like he had more life in him.
I am saddened that I was not there to hold him when he left this world. But another part of me thinks he was holding on for me and found his opportunity to leave.
We had hoped that some morning we would wake up and he would have passed in his sleep. I found myself checking that he was breathing all the time. I used a flashlight to check at night. I had a terrible sense of dread I carried with me. While I was devastated that he had left us and we couldn't be with him, I also have a sense of relief that he is free from his aged body and condition and that I am not in a constant state of worry.
We got his ashes back today so it's been emotional. Thank you for indulging me.
