Declan 2007-2017

We visited a neurologist in Tampa yesterday to learn that the best treatment for Declan was humane euthanasia. After caring for him and watching him decline so rapidly the last few days, and the suffering he endured,  our choice was obvious yet no less painful.

When you foster dogs you do expect to lose them. You expect to give them up. But those losses are happy losses as they go to a new family that will love them even more than you did. Losing them in this way was not even a consideration for me.

Declan came to us when he was about 6 having been born into rescue (Ratbone Rescues). His mama was a pregnant rescue. He spent his first six years in the home of his special person- a man who died 5  years after his adoption. The wife struggled to keep him but ultimately her work scheduled won and he became my foster in March 2013 and was adopted again in December 2013. He came back to us in Dec 2016 and within a couple weeks was in the vet. Two very expensive bouts of treatment, emergency room visits, test, surgeries, and treatment found nothing specific but labeled acute gastroenteritis (which I now believe was probably a secondary issue caused by pain).

Yesterday we saw a neurologist who narrowed down to only two possibilities - neither with good outcomes even with extensive treatment. The possibility of a normal life where he could walk, raise a leg to pee, or go through a dog door were none. More important, he would continue to degrade and need constant pain management. We had to let him go. We stopped on the way home to our vet for him to enjoy a lunch of Wendy's chicken nuggets.

Our vet was wonderful. She said a little prayer stating that he had made his way back to his true family to be with us during this time in his life. He fell asleep in my arms, much as he had many other nights, and drifted away peacefully.

Ours March 2013 - Dec 2013 and Dec 2016 - May 2017

10 Inalienable Rights after the Death of a Special Companion

This is some of the material I received from Pet Angel - the company that performed Chloe's cremation"

Though you should reach out to others as you journey through grief, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.

The Pet Lover’s Code by Dr. Alan Wolfelt

1. You have the right to grieve the death of a pet. You loved your pet. Your pet loved you. You had a strong and profound relationship. You have every right to grieve this death. You need to grieve this death. You also need to mourn this death (express your grief outside yourself).

2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk about your grief. Other pet lovers who have experienced the death of a pet often make good listeners at this time. It at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3. You have the right to feel a variety of emotions. Confusion, anger, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey after the death of a pet. Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. After the death of a pet, your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are tell you. Get daily rest, Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel like doing.

5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts”. Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural.

6. You have the right to make use of ritual. After a pet dies, you can harness the power of ritual to help you heal. Plan a ceremony that includes everyone who loved your pet.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. At times of loss, it is natural to turn to your faith or spirituality. Engaging your spirituality by attending church or other place of worship, praying, or spending time alone in nature may help you better understand and reconcile your loss.

8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking “Why did my pet die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. Ask them anyway.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of a special companion animal. Instead of ignoring your memories, find ways to capture them and treasure them always.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief after the death of a pet may not happen quickly. Remember, grief is best experienced in “doses.” Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of a beloved pet changes your life forever.

Photo is of my beloved Moon Unit "Mooney" - 1975 to 1993